Mommy has not been looking forward to this day for awhile now. When the calendar turned from February to March mommy got really depressed. The weather has been awful lately too, wet and foggy which doesn't help with her mood. This day last year was the most awful day of mommy's life. It was the day I lost you. Mommy gave birth to you at 9:38pm on March 10, 2009 and you were teeny tiny and weighed 6 ounces and were 8 3/4 inches long and your heart was no longer beating. I wish there was something mommy could've done differently to prevent losing you. I wish with everything I have that it didn't have to be this way. I don't know how mommy made it through the last year without you. I've been aching to give you a baby brother or sister but your daddy and I have had a little trouble in our marriage since losing you. I think mommy has gotten a lot stronger and realizes what's important in life but your daddy has become someone that I hardly know anymore. My heart hurts everyday that I wake up. I lost you and I lost the man I married. I don't know why daddy has become so distant and why he doesn't seem to care about mommy anymore. When I talk to him he listens to mommy but he doesn't do anything to change the way mommy feels. Ty, can you ask Jesus to put love and caring back into your daddy's heart. It sure would be nice if I had some support from daddy for this dreaded day. I love your daddy with all my heart Ty, but I'm not sure that I can keep living with all of this pain in my heart.
You are so loved baby. I wish you would've met your family. You should've been here today. If you were here you would have two boy cousins very close in age to play with. I am so happy to be an auntie to the most wonderful nieces and nephews a person could ask for, but it also makes me sad that you aren't apart of their lives. Your Grandma Lylia and Grandpa Lyle came out to see you on Sunday. Grandma brought you an angel and a couple balloons for your Birthday. It was really tough getting to you because of all the snow we've had this winter. It was up to our knees in some places.
Your cousins Hannah, Makennah, and Savannah along with your Auntie Sheri brought over some pink roses for mommy yesterday. It really brightened my day. Your Auntie Jennifer emailed mommy a picture of your cousin Dexter and seeing that brightened my day too. Your Grandma Sandy brought mommy and daddy three red roses and a card. I love that I had that distraction yesterday. What distraction am I going to have today? It's not that I want to be distracted from thinking about you son, but I just don't know how much my heart can take.
I hope that your 1st Birthday in Heaven is even more special then what your 1st Birthday on earth would've been because you deserve the best Ty Gavin Fischer.
Mommy loves and misses you very much.
6 comments:
Ty, That was the hardest day in my life, last year. I so wanted to be a grandma, but I quess God had other plans. It also was very hard watching what Nikki & Greg had to go thur. I want to wish you a Happy Birthday, I hope you have a great party with all the grand parents and relatives, LOVE GRANDMA!!!! Lolly
It's alright to feel the way you do. Time well heal all wounds. With the love of your family you will pull thru. No one feels what you go thru until you actually go thru it. I miss Mike too but live life to the fullest both of these kids are watching over us and they don't want us to hurt they want memories shared. Take care Nikki if you need someone to talk let know Love ya, Juleen
Nicole, I know it's a very hard day for you today. Your son Ty is a very special person to us and my girls. We never got to meet baby Ty on earth. But, the girls and I cherish close in our hearts everyday that someday in heaven we will met that little boy and give him all our love that we weren't able to give him now on earth. Not only do I have a little nephew in Heaven to met I have a dad that I never got to really know either. So when my time has come to go to my Father in Heaven I will not be afraid or sad because it will be the most joyous place to be, with my father in Heaven who loves us all unconditionally. Never feel alone Nicole - God loves you and so does so many others!!! And try to think of Ty as a very happy boy being held by his true father - Jesus. The truth that is hard to accept is that our children do not now, nor have they ever belonged to us. They are God's children, and God needed Ty with him. It's hard to smile today I know. So, I pray for you that you can find peace and that your heart can heal of the pain. You are always loved, and Ty will always be a part of our family. God Bless you Ty, Nicole and Greg. Always, look to our Father in Heaven. He will never leave us or forsake us. Love, Auntie Sheri
Happy Birthday Ty. We are sad that we never got the chance to hold you and give you kisses. Nicole our heart breaks for you, not only for your son but the troubles between you and Greg. We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers! We love you - Jennifer and Tom
Dear Greg and Nicole,
I willed with all my heart a year ago as I held Ty that this would not be so. We all grieve in different ways and at different times. Often we get stuck for awhile in various stages of grief. I think of that day a year ago often in my travels and pray for you and Greg. With out a doubt this year has been very hard on both of you for losing Ty but for the difficulties you have experienced as a result. We also see the discouragement --that this long year has resulted in both in losing Ty coupled by the very difficult year it has been for farming and ranching( from the begining of winter a year ago through this winter). Carrying such a burden can be difficult to express and can result in isolation. We continue to keep you in our prayers. Ty will always be a part of our hearts. God Bless-Ralph and Sandy
Happy Birthday Ty. Wow your 1 already. I'm positive that your birthday with our Father in Heaven was awesome!!!!!! Happy Birthday to a dear little angel, our cousin & Nephew - Ty. From: Hannah, Makennah and Savannah, Sheri & Michael.
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