Mommy has not been looking forward to this day for awhile now. When the calendar turned from February to March mommy got really depressed. The weather has been awful lately too, wet and foggy which doesn't help with her mood. This day last year was the most awful day of mommy's life. It was the day I lost you. Mommy gave birth to you at 9:38pm on March 10, 2009 and you were teeny tiny and weighed 6 ounces and were 8 3/4 inches long and your heart was no longer beating. I wish there was something mommy could've done differently to prevent losing you. I wish with everything I have that it didn't have to be this way. I don't know how mommy made it through the last year without you. I've been aching to give you a baby brother or sister but your daddy and I have had a little trouble in our marriage since losing you. I think mommy has gotten a lot stronger and realizes what's important in life but your daddy has become someone that I hardly know anymore. My heart hurts everyday that I wake up. I lost you and I lost the man I married. I don't know why daddy has become so distant and why he doesn't seem to care about mommy anymore. When I talk to him he listens to mommy but he doesn't do anything to change the way mommy feels. Ty, can you ask Jesus to put love and caring back into your daddy's heart. It sure would be nice if I had some support from daddy for this dreaded day. I love your daddy with all my heart Ty, but I'm not sure that I can keep living with all of this pain in my heart.
You are so loved baby. I wish you would've met your family. You should've been here today. If you were here you would have two boy cousins very close in age to play with. I am so happy to be an auntie to the most wonderful nieces and nephews a person could ask for, but it also makes me sad that you aren't apart of their lives. Your Grandma Lylia and Grandpa Lyle came out to see you on Sunday. Grandma brought you an angel and a couple balloons for your Birthday. It was really tough getting to you because of all the snow we've had this winter. It was up to our knees in some places.
Your cousins Hannah, Makennah, and Savannah along with your Auntie Sheri brought over some pink roses for mommy yesterday. It really brightened my day. Your Auntie Jennifer emailed mommy a picture of your cousin Dexter and seeing that brightened my day too. Your Grandma Sandy brought mommy and daddy three red roses and a card. I love that I had that distraction yesterday. What distraction am I going to have today? It's not that I want to be distracted from thinking about you son, but I just don't know how much my heart can take.
I hope that your 1st Birthday in Heaven is even more special then what your 1st Birthday on earth would've been because you deserve the best Ty Gavin Fischer.
Mommy loves and misses you very much.