Happy Easter!

Today would've been our first holiday I was pregnant (that we knew). I would've been 24 weeks. That would've been nice. Instead today was our first holiday without Ty. The day didn't really get me down too much. I was looking forward to going to church because of it being Easter and knowing that we ordered an Easter Lily in memory of our son Ty Gavin Fischer.

Every year at Easter (Lily) and Christmas (Pointsetta) my mother-in-law has always purchased two plants with one being in memory of and the other being in honor of. I took a picture of the paper today. Not only did my mother-in-law acknowledge Ty but so did my sister-in-law Sheri and her family. Thank you Sandy and Sheri!
Click on Picture to read it better

I've been meaning to blog since the other night but time gets away from me. I attended my first support group the other night. It's called Angel Babies. I was very nervous and didn't really feel like going but I did. There were a lot of people there. A few couples, a daughter and her mother, and mothers. Heartbreaking stories. I can't believe how much some people go through. I know what I went through was bad enough but these other families stories touched my heart. When it came time to tell my story I didn't think I could do it. I just talked and stared at the table. I didn't want to make eye contact with anyone. But I was able to tell my story and because of that I feel better. I feel as though I am not alone. I actually now know another mother, another father, another family who have gone through similar circumstances. That reminds me that I am not alone. I didn't cry at the meeting. I thought I would and I don't know why I didn't. I guess part of it may be because a portion of my healing has been to look at the blogs of women who have been through a miscarriage and by hearing each and every story it gets a little easier to hear. I think I teared up a little while I was talking about Ty. As I sit here and type I think of him and tear up a bit. I am looking forward to the next support group next month. I think it helps tremendously. I got to bring home three books that deal with miscarriage and although I haven't began any of them I look forward to reading them and look forward to healing more. It still hurts so much to live each day without Ty. Without him being in my belly and without him being with us. I keep thinking about the future and I can't even imagine it or dream about it because I think about the biggest plan ..... children. I can't think about that without thinking about what I lost. I hope I can heal and I hope I can imagine and dream about the future again someday soon.