4 Weeks

It's been 4 weeks since we lost Ty. Everyday seems to be getting better and better. It still consumes my every thought though. That's the hardest part. I try not to think about it too much but I can't help thinking about that wonderful time that he with us. I came across a website the other day and now I think I know what may have caused Ty to stop breathing. I'm not going to point out what I think that is and we will never know what happened but if I allow myself to think I know what happened I have a better handle on things. Does that make sense? I don't blame anyone and I don't blame myself. It gives me comfort thinking that I know what may have caused our son to take his last breath. And I will accept it. Everything that I have been through since finding out that I was going to be a mom has made me a stronger person. I thank God for that. I have struggled with a lot of things over the years and right now I am almost at a place where I am comfortable with my life. With myself. I wish more than anything to go back to March 9th and hear a beating heart on the ultrasound. That is not going to happen so I have allowed myself some time to question everything and allowed myself time to heal. To wrap my head around things. Time does ease pain.